Hack this!

That awkward moment when North Korean hackers realize that they catapulted themselves from relatively oblivious status on the part of the average American to somewhere up there with ISIS and Al Qaeda by preventing stoners from seeing a Seth and Franco flic.
Oh, by the way, quit letting the terrorists win, ya passes

Oh I was Kidding too….

That Awkward moment when communicating online with an individual that not only doesn’t understand the difficulty in conveying sarcasm through text, but does it poorly when they try, and you just outed yourself as the asshole who is totally behind an idea they weren’t really serious about…

Must fight the voices….

That awkward moment when, as a male, and hornball you realize that you must turn off the “Wow, look bare breasts!” mechanism in favor of the “Oh look she is demonstrating the power of Woman in an artistic and wholly unseductive manner” mechanism… but it just seems to take a little more willpower than you have available to transition in a timely manner.

For instance I freely admit that upon first exposure to Lady Gaga’s video in support of the  Abramovic technique I skimmed to all the parts showing nudity before actually watching the full video. I promise it’s not that I don’t have the objective observer in me somewhere, it’s just you know….. there are boobs! Thats how many millennia of instinctual programming I’m trying to overcome?

So excuse me if my mind doesn’t need a pair of Google Glasses to capture forever the voluptuousness of a breast only exposed for a segment of time that wouldn’t register on the cameras at a stock car race, I promise I’m not gawking as you adjust your nursing blanket…it was there, I saw it, that’s just the way it happens.

Yes, fashionista, that is a lovely handbag, and I promise I will scrutinize it in great detail to appreciate color, design, stitched or glued…all of that…in just a second…. Did you realize your model forgot to put her shirt on? For the moment, that fact has me completely mesmerized, don’t worry it will pass.

Ok, all better

Oh yes, That is a lovely green, is that leather?

While I was away…..

Excepting the last few days I haven’t been inspired much to write, at least not ramblings and humor, during the last few months.

In case one or two of you followers out there are actually, you know, following what I write… here are a few one offs and such that my friends from the wide world of Zuck-Vegas seemed to appreciate…..

The Labeled ~ You know those people that hate being “labeled”? What if you have 8 of em in a room together?

Is it wrong to want to screw with these people’s minds? What if it was an experiment? Would that make it ok?

Something like send them to the room via invite for experiment on tastebud sensitivity, or something similarly innocuous, in room 407 @ 4:30 then remove the placard from the door so  they lay out 403; 405; blank; 409

The At Work Twerk ~ Until two weeks ago I thought twerking was using Twitter at work. That’s one of those situations where you feel really stupid upon reflecting on the times you’ve used a word incorrectly, the funny looks from the females who knew, the misinformation you’ve passed to the old dudes who didn’t (no I’m not going to enlighten them), and comments now making a lot more sense.

Like the homeowner I was talking to during a carpet laying job who asked me how it was going, and I replied from sitting on the floor, with my phone in hand, “Doing a little twerking”

After her eyes regained their proper proportions, she replied,  “I guess you won’t need that kicker then.”

And to think I thought she was upset, and being a little hateful that I was on my phone instead of working. Reality is a lot more humorous when you’re part of it, and I now find myself extremely curious…if I could twerk, could I twerk carpet to a wall? Without removing myself from the futures gene pool with some sort of permanent injury.

That Awkward Moment When~ That awkward moment when you’ve been wandering around the house butt naked post coitus looking for your lighter to no avail…  finally give up and sit down, and suddenly remember where you left it.

Lost In Your Eyes

That awkward moment

When your sitting at the red light, lost in thought, waiting for the change while listening to your “jam” on the radio, and come to your senses only to realize your song is over and Debbie Gibson has been blasting out the windows of your muscle car for the last 15 seconds, and the hottie in the car next to you is looking at you kind of funny.

I watched that happen to a guy this morning and I all I could think was ~ I’m glad it wasn’t me, this time.